Thursday, 1 September 2011

My X Factor predictions for 2011

Now, I reckon I'm a fairly optimistic person.  I look for the best in people and in situations, as a rule, and I will try to give people the benefit of the doubt.  However, I can also be quite cynical.  I don't see it as cynical, other people do, I see it as identifying trends and patterns and expecting them to be repeated - even though I hope for the best.

There is, however, one area where I am just plain cynical - or, alternatively, very good at spotting patterns and trends - and that is with the Saturday evening television monstrosity known as the X-Factor (which I do call the X-Factory given its aim of mass production of pop music and cardboard cut-out pop stars).

Here, then, based on previous years' viewing (despite myself) are my predictions for what we can expect from the Simon Cowell juggernaut this year.

*  At least one finalist to have estranged parent or sibling - I appreciate I'm late with this, given that immediately after the first episode, one of the judges discovered a brother she never knew she had.

*  Gary Barlow to have one of his Take That mates at the judges' house stage (and it won't be Robbie)
*  One of finalists to have been bullied at school
*  There will be the formation of a boy group and girl group, made up of the boy dregs and girl dregs at the end of the boot camp stage.  "We want to put you together into a group [because we haven't got enough groups already]."
*  These synthetic dregs-groups to go through to the live shows (you didn't think the judges would put them together and not let them go through, did you?).
*  These synthetic groups to get eliminated in first two weeks - first the girls (who will dress inappropriately) and then the boys (who can't sing as a team)
*  Simon Cowell to make a guest appearance, to much fanfare and flashing lights
*  Last year's winner (whoever that was) to release album just in time for Christmas
*  Louis Walsh to pick a wildcard act (or just a wild act) which is no good, but which secures the votes of those who deliberately vote for the worst (Jedward, Wagner).
*  There will be extensive media coverage of an apparent spat between two of the judges, probably the two ladies, but possibly the two blokes
*  One of the acts to suffer with a cough/cold/laryngitis/glandular fever part way through the TV shows
*  Two of the acts to form a 'secret' relationship, again with much media coverage

Print out the list, and tick them off.  If there any left by Christmas, I think I'll genuinely be surprised.  In fact, give me a week or two, and I'll probably have some more predictions.

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